I've always had a fierce independent streak. I've always resisted those who tell me what to do, or against excessive demands made on my time and resources.
In particular I've always had a hard time keeping on top of paperwork and accounting in this life. I've been trying to figure out why I have such a hard time with these activities and why there is a part of me that detests them so much. I've overcome problems I've had with other undesirable tasks and found ways to deal with them. I've been curious why these specific tasks have affected me so bad for so long.
History of My Higher Self
I had an insight recently which has finally begun to make sense of this. In my life as Kyna I was in the equivalent of solitary confinement for 8 years. All I had was a terminal and my labour was developing replicator software, not building roads or mining rocks. They forced me to work 10-12 hours every day, or more if I pissed anyone off.
During my time there they subjected me to all kinds of attempts to control my mind, to turn me into the perfect intelligent drone. It worked on a lot of people but I was just strong enough in my mind and my will to beat it. I realised that this experience has made me determined to resist any attempt to control my thoughts and actions or to force me into undesired labour to 'justify my existence'.
I saw that I still have echos of this behaviour leaking into this life. I conflate paperwork as government interference; I see accounting (and money in general) as slavery. When it occurred to me there was a kind of relief - I finally understood why I was like this. It all made sense. It didn't matter if no-one around me here would believe me - I knew the truth of it. That was all I needed.
The Illusion of Time
It raised the issue of healing these echos into my mind. How all the counterpart lives from the same soul can affect one another - like an electron interfering with itself. Although the term 'past life' isn't accurate, (as that would suggest time and sequence, when these are in fact parallel) I think it does help the 3D mind get a better grip on the process. It's hard for us to imagine having a scar from a wound that hasn't yet come to pass (or is happening simultaneously). We aren't trained to think like that here. We expect cause and effect with time in-between.
Kyna is both my past, present and future and yet none of these. When I talk about my 'past life' in this case, what I actually mean is the history of my higher self. The Kyna I know myself to be 'now' has gotten through all that, found her way to ascension, and then came into a parallel world and expressed herself as this other 'me' I'm considered to be on my current birth certificate. And yet it's all happening at the same time. That has taken me 16 years to get my head round and the idea is still settling in.
So given that, whilst we strive to let go of our lower frequency baggage as part of our ascension path, remember that we are not just letting go of the things we have clung onto in 'this life', but we are still learning to face things that have taken lifetimes to let go of. In my case I've had to let go of them on more than one occasion. Having returned to the third dimension, the ripples from my life as Kyna in 3D have re-enacted themselves through this life once again, although in a less intense fashion. Things I had already worked through to ascend in my world have resurfaced under the mask of new events in this world. As if my soul had to remember what it had forgotten.
So resistance is futile. Whatever you run from will chase you for eternity until you face it, let it go, and stop attracting it into your life in order to learn it's lesson. If you want to heal the soul, you need to examine the whole of it, not just the fragment that is 'this life'.